Winifred Hodge Rose
Note: This article follows after my article “Oaths: What They Mean and Why They Matter,” available on this website. I suggest that you read that article first, then follow on with this one. Other articles that are relevant to the topics discussed here can be found on this website under the menu headers “Heathen Lifeways,” and “Orlog, Wyrd & Luck.”
Oathing can gain us might and main, support our relationships, strengthen us in the face of challenges and hardships, build our character and reputation, and provide a channel for the flow of luck in our life. Mistaken or failed oaths can create chaos and unluck in our life and the lives of others who are involved with us.
Here, I want to discuss how to help yourself succeed in oathing, and how to be aware of what can go wrong with oathing so you can practice this skill wisely. Here are some basic principles for you to consider, which I will elaborate on in the following sections.
1. Be realistic; start with small and easy oaths, and gradually build up to more challenging ones after you have succeeded with easier oaths.
2. As much as possible, design and word your oath so that your achievement of it depends on you, not on anyone else, or on making assumptions about what might or might not happen in the future. In other words, you want the achievement of your oath, as much as possible, to be under your own control.
3. If you’re considering an oath of relationship, an oath to another person, group, or organization, do your homework first and give it plenty of time before you decide. Get to know the person well, over a longer period of time. Find out more about the group, its leaders, its history, its interactions with others. Trust your instincts, if something seems ‘off’ to you. Err on the side of caution, until you have known them long enough to be able to judge wisely.
4. The wording of your oath is of great importance, and can make or break your likelihood of success. This is truly an art-form, and requires thought, wisdom, and self-knowledge. I advise never to make a spur-of-the-moment, unconsidered oath, except under the most extreme circumstances of necessity and responsibility. Under normal circumstances, always take the time to consider and word the oath well.
Let’s discuss these suggestions in more depth now.
First Steps in Oathing Practice
1. Begin your practice with something relatively easy, that can be accomplished within a specified timeframe, but choose something that has value to you. For example: “I will read this book that looks so interesting within the next month.” Or: “I will make sure I have a gift for my loved one in time for their birthday; I won’t forget or be late.”
2. Once you’ve decided on your oath, speak it or write it formally in your journal or on a note card that you post or keep handy. Consider that you are saying this not only to yourself, but to your Gods and Goddesses, your ancestors if you wish, and / or any other well-intentioned beings such as landwights, if relevant. Make a little ceremony of this speaking or writing. The oath should be formally expressed, though you can keep it totally private if you wish.
3. Along with your oath, you should decide on the shild, the penalty or wergild you will pay if you fail in your oath. This is a fail-safe, a way to partially remedy the effects of a failed oath on your might and main and your ørlög. It won’t entirely remedy a failure, though; this is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card! You really, really don’t want to have to resort to this! But sometimes circumstances beyond your control may cause you to fail or partially fail in your oath.
The shild you choose should match or exceed the ‘power level’ of your oath. If the oath is relatively easy and simple, the shild can be relatively low-key in terms of time, effort, value, but it should still be a meaningful price or penalty. If the oath is powerful and serious, the shild should be something that is really costly to you in some way. For example: giving up something that means a lot to you, making a substantial donation to a charity in an amount where you feel the financial pinch, or performing an act of service that is a real sacrifice of time and effort. Speak or write the shild you decide upon, along with the oath.
4. And then do it! Accomplish the oath in the timeframe that you set yourself. Failing to accomplish the oath has worse impacts on your personal power than not oathing at all. Failing to set a timeframe, or exceeding the timeframe before you accomplish your oath, means that you get away with putting off the oath indefinitely, which defeats the purpose!
5. When you have accomplished your oath, celebrate it. If you can boast it in sumble, great! Or you can do this alone: stand in front of your altar or other suitable place, and raise a ‘horn’ (or a cup or mug of whatever drink you choose) and speak your boast to yourself and to your Gods, Goddesses, and include ancestors if you choose. If your surroundings make it difficult to do this openly, then do it in your imagination and your heart.
6. Once you’ve achieved that oath, set yourself another one, perhaps a little more difficult than the first, and follow the same procedures. Keep doing this, using faithfully fulfilled oaths to build up your might and main, your personal power and self-confidence, and your strong, ethical character in accordance with Heathen practice. You are building powerful oath-muscles here!
More Challenging Oaths
When you feel you have a good handle on the simpler oathing practice, you can move on to more difficult ones.
Breaking bad habits or addictions
These are very difficult, challenging oaths to accomplish, and there are procedures developed by movements such as Alcoholics Anonymous that can help. It seems simple to break this down into small pieces: “I will not indulge in this habit or addiction for today,” or even half a day. But even that can be very challenging for a strong addiction, or for a habit that is reinforced by people around you, your circumstances, the demands on you. For example, losing your temper when things go wrong, or breaking your diet because you have to cook for your whole family and it’s too much trouble to make a separate meal. If you plan on using oathing to help you with these things, I strongly recommend these measures:
(a) First spend plenty of time on the kind of oathing I described in the previous section, which is easier to accomplish and will build your oathing-muscles and your self-confidence.
(b) Break the time-frame you use for your oath into tiny chunks. The more difficult the habit or addiction, the smaller the time-chunks. An hour, even half an hour. Though you probably can’t do a formal oathing and boasting ceremony multiple times throughout your day, nevertheless pause briefly to make the oath in your heart, and then do not forget to acknowledge your achievement when the time is up.
(c) Set yourself up for success by not asking too much of yourself at once; be realistic, take baby steps here. But then be sure to do it! For the health of your souls, your reputation, your character, your self-respect, you must achieve your oath. Make your oath achievable, and don’t let yourself fail.
Long-term and open-ended oaths
These are often commitments and oaths of relationship, such as marriage oaths, or the commitments between parents and children which may not be spoken but are as strong as the most powerful oaths. Many of these oaths are assumed and treated as lifetime oaths, especially kinship commitments, and usually marriage as well.
Others may be open-ended with regard to their time-frame, such as friendship oaths, where friends may swear an oath as to how they will treat each other, but not specify a time-frame. Friendships may last a lifetime, or may drift apart for various reasons, so it often makes sense to leave them open-ended, not specifying a time-frame for the oath.
Some people prefer to approach marriage oaths the same way: swear to treat each other in good ways and support the marriage and family, but leave the time-frame open-ended. Others prefer the stronger commitment of oathing for a lifetime, believing that such an oath is more supportive of their values and desires for their life and relationships.
Marriage / Domestic Partnership Oaths
Building your oathing-muscles as I described earlier will help you improve the performance of such long-term commitments. Some people like to reaffirm their wedding-oaths at an appropriate time, such as their anniversary, and this is an excellent practice. You can reaffirm your original promises, or you can create together a new oath that reflects where you both are in your lives and your relationship today. This is especially good if your marriage or partnership has been under stress and needs to make a fresh start. (My essay Threads of Wyrd and Shild: A Ninefold Rite of Life-Renewal, available on this website, might offer some additional assistance for such circumstances.)
Unspoken Kinship Commitments
Except for marriage oaths, most kinship commitments go unexpressed, though they may be powerful. I believe it is a good practice to formalize kinship commitments by oathing, even if this is just unspoken in your heart. When I witnessed the births of two of my grandsons, and the adoption of my third, very profound oaths of love and commitment arose in my heart, flowed forth as tears, and were formalized by a kiss upon their brow as I held them in my arms for the first time. These heart-oaths will never be broken.
When I realized that my mother was coming down with Alzheimer’s, I made a formal oath to myself that I would walk that road with her to the end, offering all the care and companionship that I could. That oath helped to stabilize and strengthen me during the very difficult eleven years that followed.
Adoption and Fostering
The adoption or fostering of a child is a very suitable occasion for an oath of promise to love, guide, and care for the child, and prepare them for a good adult life. A formal adoption ceremony for such an event is a beautiful thing, where your oath to the child can be formally witnessed and supported by your kin and friends. Heathens in elder times sometimes adopted a child or an adult into the kindred, accompanied by a formal, public celebration to witness the event. Fostering was also widely practiced during elder times, and the responsibility of a person toward their fosterling was taken very seriously.
In today’s world, step-parents might greatly benefit their new families by taking on such oaths and responsibilities toward their new step-children and other kin, whether done formally and openly, or done quietly in their hearts if family members would not be comfortable with such a ceremony.
Friendship and blood-siblinghood
These oaths of the closest friendship ties can be of great value in one’s life; as with all oaths, they should be approached seriously. Friendship oaths can be tailored to suit the relationship, for example a gentle oath stating how you will treat your friend, never lie to them, always listen to what they have to say, and the like.
Blood-siblinghood oaths are rare and demanding. They are intended to create true kinship between two people, who become as siblings to each other, and as family members to each other’s families and kindreds. Just as with kinship, siblinghood oaths are generally assumed to last for a lifetime, and should be approached with the utmost seriousness, after much time and thought about all the implications involved.
Working Partnerships
This kind of oath is seldom practiced today, yet I think it is one of great value, and recommend it for Heathen practice. Any time you decide to undertake a project or an enterprise with others, and especially with other Heathens, you could choose to express in an oath to each other how you will approach the work and treat each other. This is something like a contract, but a contract of ‘giving your word’ to each other instead of putting something into a formal written contract.
Note that the Anglo-Saxon word ‘wed,’ the same as our word ‘wed, wedding,’ did not only refer to a marriage agreement. The old ‘wed’ meant any kind of contract, bargain, or agreement, when people gave their word and intended it to be reliable. The fact that we use the word ‘wed’ today only for the most serious of modern oaths, the marriage oath, shows the power of this word ‘wed’.
We should take the implications to heart: giving your word is a serious commitment; your reputation rises or falls on your ability to accomplish what you say you will do. This is all part of building our might and main by Heathen oathing, and while doing so, weaving frith by coming together for a common purpose. (See my essays Frith, Friendship, and Freedom, and Heathen Frith and Modern Ideals, available on this website, for more about weaving frith.)
When you oath or seriously ‘give your word’ on projects with other Heathens, it is a great opportunity for all of you to practice your oathing skills, gain might and main from oathing, and weave Heathen frith together, as well as setting up your project with a high likelihood of success! This also allows you to grow the ‘power of your word,’ of your reputation as a straight-speaker whose word and promise can be relied upon, something which was held in high honor in the past, and should be revived today.
This kind of project partnership can apply very widely: to volunteer work, business partnerships, projects on behalf of your Heathen group or organization, Heathen group activities, etc. It can be something short-term, long-term, or open-ended, depending on the type of project or enterprise you are engaged in.
Oaths of Office or Duty
Some positions, especially those which serve the public in some significant way, require or expect either a formal oath, or an unwritten understanding about how we should conduct ourselves while working in that position. Doctors must swear the Hippocratic Oath. Military personnel swear oaths of service; police, fire-fighters and similar professions may also expect this. Members of Congress, state legislators, and judges swear oaths of office. Some Heathen groups and organizations require their officers to swear an oath. There are many other examples. We may, ourselves, choose to make an inner commitment to the spirit of service of our office, job, or duty, even if oaths are not required.
An important example here is the service of homemaking: whatever the specific service-sharing arrangements among members of the home may be, whatever the gender of those who are involved may be, whether it is the home of a nuclear family, extended family, group family, or other. Homemaking is the most fundamental and important of all offices or duties in all human societies, and one reason is because this is where both children and adults learn what commitment is and how to value and maintain it. The service and duty of homemaking is more than worthy of an oathed commitment whether spoken or unspoken.
Oaths of office or duty should be taken with the same degree of seriousness as any personal oaths we might consider, even when the official requirement and wording of the oath is not up to us. If we are accepting that position, we must be willing to take any oath that is associated with it, and fulfill its requirements. Failing to fulfill our oath of office has the same unfortunate consequences on our wyrd as failing at any other type of oath, and may have mundane legal consequences as well.
Oaths of Self-Commitment
Another type of oath is one that we make to ourself, perhaps quietly to ourself, or perhaps with the witness of others such as making an oath in sumbel. A common purpose for such an oath is to support us in achieving some important life goal, perhaps involving our career, or something we really want to do.
Often it isn’t possible to predict or control when such opportunities may arise, so this type of oath may need to be open-ended, and worded appropriately. For example: “I will prepare myself for {doing this, whatever your goal is} by {this kind of training and preparation}, will be watchful for opportunities to fulfill this goal, and will follow up such opportunities with all my will in a timely manner.” One of the things that might be necessary in these cases is saving money that would be needed to follow the opportunity, and that would be part of your oath.
This will help to direct your might and main, your intention, awareness, and luck, to maximize the likelihood of you attaining your goal. At the same time, it doesn’t put you in an impossible bind by setting a time-limit on a situation and circumstances that may be beyond your control. You may not be able to force the opportunity you want to happen, nor control the timing of it if it does happen. What you are promising is that you will be watchful for such an opportunity and prepare yourself to follow up on it, when and if it does arise. And then you need to do what you promised!
Wording your Oaths
The preceding example is a good segue into this section about how to word your oaths. It’s very important to give serious thought to this; wording can make or break your success in oathing. Here are some guidelines for wording your oaths.
1. Think about the oath you want to make, and pay careful attention to what factors are under your control, and what factors are not. For example, in a relationship oath of any kind, you cannot control what the other person will do. You can only control what you will do. So word your oath accordingly: “I will do so-and-so, will refrain from doing this, etc.” Always build the intention and the wording of your oath around factors that you control yourself. Don’t depend on, or make assumptions about, what other people will do, or what the future will bring. You are working with your own might and main and your own wyrd here; you need to be clear-sighted and realistic.
2. If at all possible, focus on positive rather than negative wording. For example, if you are using oathing to help you break a habit or addiction, don’t say “I will not do {whatever it is} for the next hour, or the next day.” This kind of wording will focus your mind, consciously and subconsciously, on depriving yourself and making yourself suffer, and this is hard to support over the long term.
Word your oath so that, instead of focusing on denying yourself something, you focus on giving yourself a gift. One that I like to use is the gift of freedom. So I might say “For the next hour, I will be free of the necessity to do {whatever it is}.” Notice I do not say “free of the urge,” because this may not be under our control, especially in the case of an addiction. Instead, I’m saying that I am free of the driving need, the necessity, to act on this urge. I don’t have to do this, whatever it is. I can choose to be free, to act freely according to my will, not my need. I give myself the gift of freedom, and so, little by little, I replace the driving need that makes me unfree.
Taking an approach like this, we can see that while an oath might seem to be constricting and binding, in truth it can be constructed so that it actually frees us from bindings that are strangling us, right now.
Other gifts you might give yourself include the gifts of love, health, strength, cleanness, self-respect, praise and encouragement, and many more. I advise not to use material gifts, which have the possibility of just turning into another bad habit. Instead, gift yourself by deploying meaningful but non-material inner powers that will build your might and main, your health and strength, on all levels of your being.
These are the true gifts, given by yourself to yourself, as Odin did when he hung upon the Tree. These are esoteric mysteries that lead us toward an ethical, self-directed, power-filled Heathen life, supported by wise oathing.
3. Another guideline for wording your oaths wisely: be realistic about what you really can do, and be specific about describing that in your oath. Not all oaths need to be mighty, world-changing productions! You can use realistic, sensible oaths to re-tune your life, your actions and behavior, your goals, your relationships, in small ways as well as large.
You can just focus on changing one small thing, which may well turn out to have wider effects than you expected. This often happens, and it happens not just because of the small thing you changed, but because of the power, luck, might and main that fulfilling an oath gives to you and your life. Give this a try; you may be pleasantly surprised by how far the good effects can spread!
4. Consider whether it is realistic and helpful to specify a time-frame in the oath, or whether it will work better as an open-ended oath.
(a) It is helpful to put a time-frame on the oath when it is a specific deed or action to accomplish, and you want to ensure that you don’t procrastinate about it. Also, the deed itself might have a natural time-frame, a time when the deed or action needs to be finished or accomplished. For example, producing some work you promised to do by a certain deadline.
Another reason to put a time-frame on the oath is when it is something difficult or strenuous, that you can’t realistically keep up forever. An example here is the step-by-step measures you might take to overcome a bad habit. Another is your preparation for a grueling event or challenge, such as an athletic competition or studying for an important exam. After the event is over, your oath is also finished and can be boasted as done.
(b) Some types of oaths may work best if they are open-ended, with no time-frame. Many types of relationship oaths are like this: your oath will shape the conduct of that relationship for as long as it continues. But if that relationship comes to an end or drifts away, you and the other person or group are no longer bound by the oath, because you did not swear to keep it for a lifetime or a specific period of time. You only swore to conduct the relationship in a particular way, implying that the oath lasts for as long as the relationship lasts.
Another example is an oath of office: your promise to behave in a certain way while in that position may no longer be relevant, once you leave the position.
Oathing Precautions
1. Give yourself plenty of time and thought before deciding on an oath, and ensure that your oaths are consistent with your own ethical values.
2. Base all your oathing on your own decisions and timing. Do not allow anyone else to pressure you into an oath before you are ready, or if you are unsure about it.
3. Pay close attention to the wording of your oath, and if this is a shared oath with another person, make sure you both understand and are comfortable with the wording.
4. As well as giving yourself time and information so you can really get to know any person or group you are sharing an oath with, also trust your own instincts about the wisdom of such an oath.
5. Think carefully about whether the oath you are planning is better served by having a time-frame, or being open-ended. A time-frame can be very helpful in some circumstances. In other circumstances, especially some kinds of relationship oaths, specifying a long-term or lifetime time-frame can cause serious problems if circumstances change and the relationship comes to an end. Some people, especially married couples, will want the strength of a lifetime commitment to give power to their oath. Other people may want to be more cautious, and keep their oath open-ended (not specifying a length of time in the wording of the oath) to allow for changed circumstances.
6. Carefully examine any proposed oath to make sure it won’t conflict with other oaths, responsibilities, commitments, and other aspects of your life.
7. Don’t pile up too many demanding oaths at once; don’t expect superhuman performance from yourself. As in other areas of life, realistic pacing is important for success. It is better—much, much better!—to succeed with small oaths, than to fail with big ones!
Breaking an Oath
There are two ways that oath-breaking can happen. One is that we fail to achieve the oath, and perhaps even work against it by actions that contradict what we promised in the oath. The other way is a deliberate decision to bring an oath to an end, because changed circumstances no longer support the intent of that oath.
These two ways of oath-breaking need to be handled differently. In the case of breaking the oath through failure to fulfill it, this action has repercussions on our wyrd, luck, relationships, our might and main, our well-being and reputation. Work needs to be done to address these problems and remedy them to the extent that we can. This work is the subject of my article Threads of Wyrd and Scyld: A Ninefold Rite of Life Renewal, available on this website, so I will not pursue it here.
Let’s turn now to the subject of bringing an oath to a necessary end. If we did not specify a time-frame in the oath, then bringing it to an end does not have any severe impact on our wyrd. In the oath, a length of time for the oath to be maintained was not defined, which leaves us free to adjust to changed circumstances.
Some oaths are defined by time, either stated or strongly implied. Marriage oaths are the most common example; they are generally expected to last for a lifetime. Sometimes, sadly, this does not work out, though it may well be possible to mend the marriage by committing to the skills of oathing and other ethical skills that I describe in articles on my website, before the marriage is completely lost. (One suggestion is The Heathen Foundations of Marriage: Bargain, Gift, Hamingja.)
When the marriage or other oathed commitment cannot be saved, and the original oaths must be abandoned, there are measures that can be taken to mitigate some of the harm. Perhaps the most important measure is to set up new oaths to address the harm and disruption caused by the older oath coming to the end.
In the case of divorce from a marriage that produced children, for example, the parents can commit to oaths that take the well-being of the children into account during and after the divorce has taken place. Speaking respectfully about the other parent, not pushing the children to take sides, allowing the children some choice in their circumstances if they are old enough, committing to fair and necessary financial and care arrangements that are in the best interests of the children, allowing children free access to both parents as long as no abuse was involved, etc.: all these are possibilities for oathed agreements that help to mitigate the impact of breaking the older oath.
Marriage and divorce are just examples. There are many other kinds of oaths that cause pain and disruption if they must be put aside. The thing to do here is to mend that situation as well as possible by putting new oaths in place, suited to the new circumstances, that can support as much good as possible in this situation.
A uniquely Heathen approach would be to add also a ceremony: a ceremony of divorce, of oath-changing, of laying an outworn oath to rest, releasing it. A ceremony to add strength to new, mitigating oaths if they are needed to reduce the harm and maintain what good can be maintained as circumstances change. Friendly witnesses to these ceremonies are a good thing, to support the participants as they change their lives, and as they perhaps swear new oaths of goodwill and healing.
I hope that these guidelines will prove useful to you, if you decide to build your ethical Heathen might and main, your personal power, through the practice of oathing and fulfilling your oaths in a safe, sensible, and effective way. May the Gods speed your work!