Laurie Sefa Sottilaro
Source: Emergent property of soular-system
Type: Life-soul
Keywords: caring, protected
Other Language Synonyms: Sefa, Seofa, Sebo, Sefi
Spheres: kinship, love, relationships, interactions
Afterlife: ‘holographic image’ carried by all the other souls
Patrons: Sjöfn, Lofn, Var, Vör, Sif, Frigg, Hlín
Care and feeding: weave frith, be sensible in compassion, work with Mod and Hugr
Foothold: heart, organs of perception, chemicals of emotion, sexuality & reproduction
Interface: Litr & messages appearance sends; Laeti
Concerns: Sefa’s primary concern is the relationships in which it takes part, including that of the soular-system. It wants the best for everyone.
Runes / Bindrune: Wunjo, Mannaz, Uruz. Wunjo, Gebo, Fehu, Ansuz, Eihwaz
Awareness: sense of selfhood, relationships, caring for loved ones, communication between souls, frith
Notes:
The Heart of Sefa
Sefa is all about “‘Caring’ in all its meanings…along with the perceptive insights that are gained from sincerely caring about others” (Rose 2021 319). Sefa is known as “‘the one who cares’… This includes the meaning of ‘cares’ as ‘worries, sorrows, concerns,’ as well as the meanings of caring for someone or something, and caring about anything” (Rose 2021 319-20). This includes an energetic link to whatever we care about, and includes both positive and negative emotions. “Sefa’s expressions of love, affection, compassion are spread broadly across all kinds of relationships and interactions” (Rose 2022 251).
“The basic meanings I derive for Sefa are thus (1) our Self, with its abilities to sense, notice, perceive, and understand, and (2) that which is connected to our self through relationship, love, and affection” (Rose 2021 319).
Sefa is “naturally a tender, affectionate inner self, the one within ourself that we would call warm-hearted and kindly, who feels that we are ‘kindred spirits’ with other people. It is from Sefa that we have our capacity for empathy, sympathy, understanding, and emotional commitment” (Rose 2021 325). “Sefa is the soul within you who is filled to overflowing at the moment when you first hold your longed-for newborn child or grandchild in your arms. Relationship, kinship, tenderness, love, attentive care, protectiveness, wholehearted commitment: these are the blessings of Sefa” (Rose 2021 322).
Compassionate Sefa
Unlike the other souls that have independent existences, Sefa is an emergent property of the Soular System. “Our Sefa-soul is a song, sung into being by our other souls. It is thus intimately connected with the essences of each of our souls… Sefa is a channel through which compassion can flow toward any or all of our souls at need, either coming from Sefa itself, or coming through Sefa from outside” (Rose 2022 288) It works in both directions. “Compassion can take many forms, sometimes unexpected and even unwelcome forms, such as ‘tough love'” (Rose 2022 289). An example of this is Thor’s compassion after his goat was lamed: for the children, going into service with a deity is a great honor. “Remember: compassion is ‘feeling with, sharing feelings.’ It does not always have to be feelings of pain and suffering that are shared, but any feelings” (Rose 2022 293).
“Unfortunately, if any of our other souls are damaged enough, that damage tends to spread to Sefa as well, through their soul-connections, in addition to Sefa being damaged directly through harmful interactions with other people. When Sefa is harmed or damaged, compassion is the healing energy that is needed: compassion from people, from spiritual beings, often even from animals who are close to us, as well as the healing powers of nature” (Rose 2022 291).
A peculiar property of compassion is that it must continue to flow at all times. “Compassion-energy would stagnate and mutate to something more self-centered, if it ever held still long enough to root itself this way” (Rose 2022 291-2). “There is a difference, at the energetic level, between running out of physical and mental energy and stamina, versus running out of compassion energy itself. They are different kinds of energy, and the difference can be important on a spiritual level, even when they are overlapping on the physical level” (Rose 2022 294). When you fall into a state of physical and mental exhaustion, that is when you need compassion energy the most, despite the instinct to cut it off and preserve whatever scraps you can maintain. If you cut it off, you risk shutting down, which will turn your Sefa cynical, hardened, depressed, detached, neglectful, and uncaring. “Compassion must keep flowing” (Rose 2022 297). It also helps to remember that compassion doesn’t have to be active, it can be a thing of being, instead of doing.
Sefa and the Soular System
Sefa is an emergent property, coming from the other souls singing the self into being. “Sefa is the bond of relationship which coordinates our soul-household as a functioning system within the domain of Midgard life, with all its demands and complexities. Sefa is not a soul which gives life, it’s a soul which is given life by the interactions of all the other souls. We our Self do not ‘have a soul;’ rather our souls create and sustain our Self during life in Midgard” (Rose 2021 501). “As Sefa weaves together our soul-household with all its experiences and activities in Midgard, it creates a hologram of our life experience, which is its hama, its soul-skin or soul-shape.” (Rose 2021 503) “Hugr, Mod, and Ghost are the ones who inherit or incorporate the Sefa-hologram most strongly after death” (Rose 2021 505).
Sefa is about relationships, both inside us and outside. It also allows us to see relationships between intangibles. “Making connections among the multitude of tangibles and intangibles that comprise our Midgard life is Sefa’s strength and purpose” (Rose 2021 502), as well as its vulnerability. “Our sense of being a unitary Self resides in Sefa, but each of our other souls is just as much our true self, our own, our essential being, and individual participating within a holism” (Rose 2021 503).
Sefa’s Weakness
Sefa is “not naturally strong in the abilities of judgment, strategic action, decision-making, analysis, and the like. Sefa is loving, impulsive, enthusiastic, eager, emotionally insightful and perceptive, but tends to be naive in the ways of the world” (Rose 2022 270). Sefa is utterly incautious around caring, and therefore vulnerable to exploitation, manipulation, and “seduction of many kinds: sexual and relationship seduction, for example seduced into becoming an ‘enabler’ or a co-dependent of someone else’s harmful behavior in the mistaken assumption that one is helping them. Likewise, Sefa can be seduced into harmful beliefs and principles, and into unhealthy and unprincipled paths of relationships, associations, and actions” (Rose 2022 270-1) from unwisely and unsafely pursuing connection.
If Ferah is damaged, it and Sefa can feed on each other’s worries, fears, and reactivity, “viewing the world as an existentially threatening place filled with threatening beings, with no refuge or help to be had” (Rose 2022 271), which leaves the door open for others to lead Sefa astray. Hugr should step in here. Hugr supplies “judgment, analysis, decisiveness, strategic thinking, boldness, clearsightedness, firmness of purpose… a healthy Sefa gives shape, warmth, and expression to one’s longings and desires, infusing them with emotional perceptiveness and empathy. A healthy Hugr protects Sefa from overextension and from unwisely pursuing Sefa’s emotional impulses. As they work together over the years of our life, these two souls create the potential for deep wisdom” (Rose 2022 271-2).
The Fortress of Sefa
As should be apparent by now, Sefa is a very tender part of the soular system. It must be protected. Sefa can become hardened thru brutality and the “cruel pressures of life” (Rose 2021 326), and so is warded by Mod and Hugr in a healthy system. Sometimes this doesn’t happen; a hardened Hugr “likely doesn’t appreciate or care about its own Sefa, and doesn’t work to ward it” (Rose 2021 327). This is a situation that should be avoided.
In a healthy individual, “Hugr has good judgment and clear sight. It can tell us when it is safe to reveal our Sefa and pursue its desire for relationship, versus Sefa needing to stay sequestered and protected inside ourselves while strong and wily Hugr takes care of any outer defense we might need…this is not all up to Hugr to do however: Sefa’s ability to perceive and be aware of others should feed into Hugr’s strategic decisions” (Rose 2021 328).
“Both Hugr and Mod serve, in their subtly different ways, to buffer and protect our tender inner self, our Sefa …. At the same time, Sefa encourages Hugr and Mod to value and pursue good relationships. Hugr is Sefa’s warder, advising Sefa of potential dangers and standing forth to protect it when necessary. Mod is Sefa’s strength in action” (Rose 2021 333). Building trust between these three souls can help in one’s spiritual growth.
“As Mod became incorporated with our other souls and our Sefa, our Mod-sefa developed as a bridge between the original Mod-daemon and our human, and humanizing, Sefa-self. This bridge is the Modsefa-space referred to in the old texts, the place where the blended emotions and thoughts of both Mod and Sefa reside. I see Modsefa as a buffer zone between Sefa’s warm-hearted caring, the world of the heart, and Mod’s powerful will and drive to achieve in the world: the world of the hand, if you will, the world of action” (Rose 2021 331). “Mod is power and will; when things go wrong for it, it becomes angry and wants action. Sefa is love and caring; when things go wrong it worries and wants a refuge. Sefa wants safety, for itself and everything it cares about. Modsefa is the space they make together, where power and will support the active expression of love and caring; where love and caring can guide power and will toward ethical action. Our Modsefa is where our understanding and pursuit of ethics and ethical action is rooted. In the process, our character is shaped and developed” (Rose 2022 282).
‘Modsefa / Modsebo’ is used “as an indication of ‘where,’ within oneself, emotions and thoughts are occurring … the Modsefa often seems to be the place where the Mod soul does things within ourselves …. Modsefa also seems to refer to character and reputation” (Rose 2021 329). “Our Modsefa is (or should be) a seat of inner wisdom, healthy emotion, and sound character. It is backed by Mod’s strength and will, and by Sefa’s gentle wisdom of the heart” (Rose 2021 333).
Sefa and Gender
“Many of Sefa’s traits align with stereotypes of more womanly characteristics, while Mod aligns with more manly stereotypes. Everyone, wherever they fall on the gender spectrum, has both of these souls…the practice of Heathen soul lore can, I believe, heal these potential dissonances within us. I think that our Modsefa is key to this healing, because it is the meeting space, the common ground, between our own Mod and our own Sefa. This is the place where we develop our own personal balance between these two forces, unique to ourself, and this is also where we root our own sense of ethics and ethical behavior. A well developed Modsefa has access to the strengths of both Sefa and Mod, and can express them in balanced and powerful ways into the world of action and of relationships” (Rose 2022 283). We can use this to take what is good from the roles, and discard the rest. “I don’t mean to imply that gender roles are the only important thing about Sefa, Mod, and Modsefa however; far from it. This is only one of many aspects of life that these souls are involved with…however, I invite you to consider the social and psychological issues surrounding gender, placing them in the context of modsefa and soul lore generally” (Rose 2022 284).
The Wounded Sefa
“I understand Sefa to be a humanizing influence on Mod and Hugr, potentially infusing them with compassion, empathy, caring, perceptiveness, all leading to deep and meaningful relationships with others. Sefa’s desire for love, friendship and relationship flows out into the world through our Hugr soul, with its own longing for love and friendship” (Rose 2022 266). “Sefa is a soul deeply rooted in our heart, our emotions, emotional perceptions, and sensitivities … this caring nature of Sefa is vulnerable to harm through mistreatment by other humans, and by ill intentioned spirits as well. If Sefa suffers great harm to its caring nature, it can become grim and even savage in response; it covers, hardens, even denies its potential for caring behavior and relationships as a way of self-defense. Sefa is also vulnerable to worry, anxiety, sorrow, grief, even obsession, when it perceives or fears that the things it cares about and relates to are being threatened, harmed, or lost … When these souls have been distorted, their fears, anger, grimness, envy, self-centeredness build upon each other as force multipliers” (Rose 2022 265-266).
Sefa is not necessarily always benevolent. “Sefa too, can pursue a path of selfishness. The ‘relationship’ nature of Sefa can turn inward rather than outward, and care only for how other people treat us, unconcerned with how we treat other people” (Rose 2022 267). Some examples include queen bees, king of the heaps, and other people “consumed by grievances and resentments” (Rose 2022 267), and entitlement.
There are other ways Sefa can become hardened as well. Sometimes people in compassionate fields exhibit burnout, at which point they sometimes become cynical. This is a hardening of Sefa. Warrior’s Sefas can become grim and savage from killing; “this is how people overcome the natural tendency of the Sefa-soul to care about others: by telling themselves that by their actions they really are caring for others, but only for others who ‘matter’ … People whose life and focus are rooted in [strife] … May well develop a grim, and even a savage Sefa in response. Their Sefa is desperately wounded and distorted, and we see the results in people returning from a war zone, being released from prison or captivity, or stepping back from some other type of violent or abusive situation. Even though they may long for healthy relationships and a ‘normal’ life, it is difficult and time-consuming for them to heal their Sefa sufficiently to be able to achieve this. All of their souls need to participate in this healing” (Rose 2022 268-9).
Sefa and the Gods
The goddesses listed below all have specific connections to caring; “it is our Sefa soul through which all these goddesses work, and through which we relate to them, at least with respect to our relationships and the skills of perception that are needed for this” (Rose 2022 324):
- Sjöfn: marriage, love, relationships,
- Lofn: marriage & relationship, with obstacles
- Var: oaths & agreements, punishes forsworn
- Vör: awareness, perceptiveness, concern
- Sif: relations, family, kindred
- Frigg: promoter of frith
- Hlín: protection & refuge (for Sefa, or protective Sefa)
- Dísir: promote, defend ties of kinship
“If you like to work with the Deities, consider inviting Sif (Sippe, Sibbe), Sjöfn, Frigg, Sýn, and Hlín… on your work with your Sefa” (Rose 2022 272).
Possible Traits:
| Affectionate | Anxiety |
| Aware | Controlling |
| Benevolent | Cynical |
| Caring | Depressed |
| Committed | Detached |
| Compassionate | Discord sowing |
| Eager | Emotional weakness & hardening |
| Emotional strength & commitment | Grief |
| Emotionally insightful and perceptive | Grim |
| Empathy | Hardened |
| Enthusiastic | Impulsive |
| Frith weaving | Incautious |
| Home focused | Insecure |
| Insightful | Naive in the ways of the world |
| Kind | Narcissistic |
| Loving | Neglectful |
| Melts & flows | Obsession |
| Noticing | OCD |
| Perceptive | Panic attacks |
| Protective | Sorrowful |
| Quieting | Uncaring |
| Relationship focused | Vulnerable |
| Savage | Worrying |
| Soothing | |
| strong sense of self | |
| Sympathy | |
| Tender | |
| Trusting | |
| Understanding | |
| Value close relationships | |
| Value kinship | |
| Warm-hearted |