Winifred Hodge Rose
Background reading: “Sefa: The Soul of Relationship” on my website.
Primary runes in this bindrune: Wunjo, Gebo, Fehu, Ansuz, Eihwaz.
Note: The shape of this bindrune is similar to a Christian symbol called the Chi Rho, after the two Greek letters it is formed from. The story goes that before a decisive battle in 312 CE, the Byzantine emperor Constantine saw a vision in the sky of this symbol, and was told “In this sign, you will conquer.” He placed the sign on his battle-banners and adopted it as his own, and did indeed win the battle, establishing Christianity in Byzantium. I tried many other combinations to express what I wanted in this bindrune, so it would not resemble the Chi Rho, but somehow it kept reshaping itself to this one. What made me finally decide to choose this shape, however, was the delightful idea of stealing the promise purportedly given to Constantine, and giving that promise to Compassion instead: “In this sign, Compassion will conquer!” May it be so, indeed…..
Our Sefa-soul is a song, sung into being by our other souls. It is thus intimately connected to the essences of each of our souls. Sefa is focused on relationship, on kinship and connection, social bonds and community, including the community formed by our own soular-system. Sefa is a channel through which compassion can flow toward any or all of our souls at need, either coming from Sefa itself, or coming through Sefa from outside. These outside sources can include the Deities, ancestors, and of course our own friends and loved ones. Likewise, the flow can be reversed: Sefa can gather compassionate impulses from our other souls, Deities, ancestors, well-wishers, and channel that flow toward other people or beings who need it, or use that energy to undertake compassionate action that needs to be done.
The texts and tales passed down to us from earlier Heathen times do not offer a great many examples of compassion, although related impulses such as generosity and frith are praised. These texts were written during times of great difficulty and cultural change, and their focus was on the warrior life and warrior values—thus the poets and tale-tellers made their living. Anything relating to everyday life, parenting, elder care, care for the sick and dying, neighborliness, and other opportunities to practice compassion was given short shrift in the poems and tales, though there are brief, passing examples in the sagas and some poems.
We, as modern Heathens, do not need to remain stuck in these patterns of the past. Modern Heathen ethics and community values are topics of lively discussion and exploration among us, and the need for compassion is acknowledged within our faith as well as all others. What I present in this chapter are examples of ways of seeking compassion from within and outside ourselves in a Heathen context, using that compassion to strengthen us and attune our souls to the energy of compassion, and then passing it on to others and to the world around us. Many of us are already pursuing these matters in our own ways; here I share a few additional thoughts and ideas.
It’s important to note something that frequently serves to block and confuse all of us, as we seek compassion in times of need, either from other people or from the Deities. Compassion can take many forms, sometimes unexpected and even unwelcome forms, such as ‘tough love’ (which may be truly compassionate, or may not, depending on how it is applied). Different states of need, and different people, personalities and circumstances, may require different forms of compassion in order to best address the need.
Here is one example of godly compassion from our lore (Gylfaginning in the prose Edda, Sturlason p. 38). Thor stops overnight with a peasant family, slaughters the goats who draw his chariot, and shares their meat. Unbeknownst to him, however, the son breaks a leg-bone for the marrow. When Thor resurrects his goat the next morning and finds it limping, he falls into a Mod-fury and threatens the family in revenge. But he is not in a blind rage: when he sees the family’s terror, he sefadiz, he shifts from the raging of his Mod into the compassion and calm of his Sefa, and agrees to accept compensation rather than enact revenge.
The family offer their son and daughter to Thor as compensation, and from our modern perspective this does not seem like a compassionate situation. Look at it from the perspective of the society at that time, however. For peasant children to be taken into service with a great Deity would be the ultimate dream come true, an honor and benefit to the whole family. Thjalfi gained fame as a brave and trusty companion of Thor on his adventures, something he would not have achieved as a laboring peasant, no matter how hard he worked. Roskva goes with them on their next adventure, but we don’t hear more of her after that. I assume she eventually joins the household of Thor’s daughter Thruðr, or his wife Sif (herself an embodiment of Sefa-qualities), and gains the advantages of the ensuing higher social status. The ‘compensation’ Thor accepted was, in truth, a continuation of his compassion and his blessing for the family, as indeed was the original sacrifice and feast of his goats to feed a poor peasant family (as well as himself, of course!).
Sefa’s Role
Compassion is a form of energy, as our souls and other beings are, too. As compassion flows through a living being, physical or non-physical, it is shaped by the ‘container’ of that being, then shaped again as it reaches its destination within us or other beings, and begins to nourish us with its healing energy.
Our Sefa-soul, dwelling in our heart, is the channel for this compassion-energy to flow into, through, and out from ourselves in its constant circulation through the beings of the Worlds. As compassion flows through each being, including each of us, it absorbs shape, flavor and vitality from that being, thus becoming more enriched and powerful as it flows, enriching and empowering others in turn.
‘Compassion’ comes from the Latin words con and passio, meaning ‘with’ and ‘feeling’: we feel with others, feel what they feel, and respond in solidarity with them. (Sym-pathy means exactly the same thing, coming from Greek rather than Latin words.) This is what Sefa does with our other souls. It is formed by them, shares in their substance and energy, and through these, Sefa ‘feels with’ them.
Unfortunately, if any of our other souls are damaged enough, that damage tends to spread to Sefa as well, through their soul-connections, in addition to Sefa being damaged directly though harmful interactions with other people. When Sefa is harmed or damaged, compassion is the healing energy that is needed: compassion from people, from spiritual beings, often even from animals who are close to us, as well as the healing powers of nature.
Exercise 13-1: Sensing compassion-energy
As we’ve done with other exercises in this book, let’s focus on how the energy of compassion feels within your whole soul-body complex, rather than trying to define it and prescribe what to do with it. One of the first things you may notice about compassion from this perspective is that it is a flow, a flowing-through of energy in constant motion. Some of the other energy-feelings we’ve explored, such as courage, will, mod and maegen, have ‘home bases’ within us, where they pool and root themselves, and support us from these home-bases. Compassion-energy would stagnate and mutate into something more self-centered, if it ever held still long enough to root itself this way. It needs to keep moving, and we need to let it be free to do so.
For this exercise, spend some time sensing what compassion and its flow feel like, within you. Observe yourself when you engage in compassionate behavior, however minor—for example, spending a few minutes sincerely sympathizing with someone else’s troubles, and offering encouragement, as you go about your day. Or sharing their joy or relief when something good has happened. This includes members of your family as well as others.
This is one exercise that I find difficult to do in the imagination, because there needs to be a real receiver of your flow of compassion, if you want to see how that flow feels. It’s like the other person or being draws the energy of compassion forth from you, and it’s hard to create that flow in a vacuum consisting of one person (you) alone, trying to do it in your imagination. The best way to do this in your imagination is through deep prayer on behalf of another person, where your prayer flows forth as a wave of compassion-energy even when the person is not there.
Next, sense how it feels when compassion flows into you, from people, Deities, ancestral spirits. You may even feel it from pet animals or from some interaction with nature. The way you would sense it from these sources—animals or nature, would be through feelings, and possibly from actions like licking or friendly contact from animals, or a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds. Instances of human compassion can even be tiny flashes, like meeting the gaze of a stranger who is momentarily sharing your feelings in some situation that creates humor, or pity, or outrage, or admiration, or calls for strained patience as you deal with it.
Remember: compassion is ‘feeling with, sharing feelings.’ It does not always have to be feelings of pain and suffering that are shared, but any feelings. The sharing of any kind of feelings creates an energetic bond, short-term or long-term depending on circumstances. These energetic bonds add up, over time, to create and sustain all kinds of relationships, frith, and community connections. You can see the involvement of the Sefa soul, here, who focuses so heavily on relationships.
(As a reminder, severely negative feelings, such as enjoyment of others’ suffering, bullying, exploitation of others, violence, cruelty, etc., can also create sick bonds between people who enjoy causing those negative feelings in their victims. This is clearly not the kind of community and fellow-feeling that we are seeking here, and we need to reject any effort to draw us into such negative bonds with others (physical or spiritual). This can happen more easily than we may be aware of: enjoyment of cruel or exploitative scenes in movies and games, for example, can set us on such a path before we realize it.)
The Nature of Compassion-Energy
It is true that compassion can strain and exhaust us at times. The aperture in our Sefa-heart may start out rather narrow, and become frayed and bruised when the flow of compassion through it becomes too great for our capacity. Even when we enlarge our capacity and stamina for compassion, we can still reach our limit in tough situations. A good example of this is the plight of health care workers during the Covid pandemic, whose compassion and strenuous work lead them to the point of collapse.
I want to make a subtle point about this situation here. There is a difference, at the energetic level, between running out of physical and mental energy and stamina, versus running out of compassion-energy itself. They are different kinds of energy, and the difference can be important on a spiritual level, even when they are overlapping on the physical level.
It is easiest to see this in examples of compassionate saints from various religions. I will use the example of Mother Teresa of Calcutta, whose compassionate deeds and life are honored by people of all religions, and of none. Her life was a constant outpouring of compassion under circumstances where the need was dire and never-ending, dealing daily with an endless stream of destitute and dying people, with limited material resources to do so. She was a physically strong woman in her youth, but no amount of physical strength could sustain such activity over a lifetime. She suffered from bouts of emotional exhaustion and illness, as anyone would in such circumstances, but it never prevented her work. After her death, it became clear from her letters and journals that she also suffered from spiritual deprivation: she had a great sense of absence in the inner place where she expected and hoped to feel the presence and love of her God. This emptiness was the case for most of her working life, including the end of it. In spite of this, her dedication to her faith, work, and vows was unwavering.
So where did her compassion-energy come from and how was it sustained? The demands on her were too great for physical and emotional energy alone. Spiritual consolation, and the energy and support it gives, she felt was withheld from her, though she never failed to give credit for all her work and accomplishments to Jesus as the ‘master of the house’ in which she worked.
I find this question an interesting conundrum: where, indeed, did her enormous compassion-energy come from, and how was it sustained, when there was an apparent insufficiency of physical, emotional, and spiritual energetic input over a long lifetime, compared to the heavy demands of her work? My own thought is that it was her emptiness itself, that allowed the free passage of a steady torrent of compassion-energy—a torrent that was far greater and more powerful than most humans could handle over the course of a lifetime of work. There was nothing blocking its way; her heart and her Sefa opened up, with no reservations or demands or qualifications, and compassion poured through unimpeded and powered her work.
The Mystery of Compassion
I am not suggesting this as a path for everyone, of course, though we can all honor Mother Teresa’s greatness. Much of her situation was wrapped up in the mysteries and dynamics of her own religion, toward which we, as Heathens, must stand as respectful outsiders. The reason I bring it up at all, is that it illustrates the genuine difference between compassion-energy and other forms of personal energy. Personal energy alone could never have sustained the enormous amount of compassionate work that she demonstrated over a long lifetime.
Here is the lesson that I draw from this, in terms of regulating our own compassion-energy. And let me say that this lesson is not that we all can or should be like Mother Teresa! Where I’m going with this, is how to keep our Sefa true to its own compassionate, relational nature, even when the strains and stresses and demands of life tempt us to become cynical, withdrawn, indifferent, snarky, etc., as a way to protect our vulnerable Sefa from exploitation and exhaustion.
It’s natural for us, when we see our resources of any kind running low, to hold on more tightly to what we have left, and limit its use. That is sensible when it comes to finite resources, including the amount of personal energy we might have available at any given point in time.
Compassion-energy, however, is different: it is a stream flowing through us, not a finite resource that we own. It circulates around among the worlds and beings of the worlds, picking up enhancements from each of us as it flows on its way. When we share feelings, share the energy of compassion, what is really happening is compassion-energy interacting with itself. The compassion-energy flowing through each of us reaches out to the same energy flowing through others around us; it contacts those energies and blends together as we ‘share feelings’ or ‘share together in compassion-energy.’
We may reach the point where we cannot physically, mentally or emotionally sustain the practical demands of compassion, as in the example I gave of pandemic-era health care workers. The demands may be so great that we are injured by them, as health care workers may suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, and so forth. Though it may feel natural, at such a time, to shut down our feelings of compassion in self-defense, this is actually the wrong time to do that.
The reason is, again, that compassion is a flow, and we ourselves desperately need compassion at this very time when we are tempted to shut it down. When we shut down the outflow, the inflow may well be shut down or minimized as well. We can see this happening, using our example again, when health care workers feel a sense of guilt and failure when they try to step back or give up their responsibilities because they cannot manage any more. They may block the inflow of compassion that others are sending toward them, including from spiritual sources, feeling that they ‘don’t deserve it’ since they are not giving compassion out, anymore. They may imagine they are ‘failures’, bad people who have let others down, and ‘deserve to suffer.’
This is a terribly painful state to be in, and may eventually lead to what I mentioned earlier: the shutting-down of all compassion, including compassion toward ourself and our own needs. Then we end up with damaged Sefas: cynical, hardened, depressed, detached, neglectful of our own wellbeing and uncaring about everyone else. Next may come addictions and other dysfunctional coping behaviors, and it’s a downward slope from there.
All of these awful experiences come about, I believe, through the root cause of trying to block the proper flow of compassion. This effort at self-protection is totally understandable, but based on a lack of understanding of the true mystery of compassion. And this mystery is simple but profound: compassion must keep flowing. It must not be blocked, even though the expression of compassion through physical and emotional activity may have to take a break from time to time, due to exhaustion and the need for self-care.
Our Hugr as Warder, and the Goddesses Syn (the doorkeeper) and Hlin (the provider of safe refuge) can help us manage such needs and processes of healthy withdrawal and rest. Our Mod and Modsefa can help us maintain higher levels of strength and energy to support a compassionate lifestyle. But regardless of our state of rest or of activity, the flow of compassion must continue.
Keeping Compassion Flowing
You may ask “how is this compassion supposed to continue, when I am too tired and burned out to do anything? I don’t want to talk or listen to anyone, or do anything for anyone that I don’t absolutely have to. I’ve got to shut it down.” But you mustn’t shut it down: now you need it flowing into you, just as much as you were letting it flow out of you when you were actively expressing it. The mistake here is thinking that compassion always has to be active, which can indeed be exhausting.
Let’s look at another example in our imaginations, now, as an example of the power of passive, rather than active compassion: the compassion of Being rather than of Doing. Maybe you’ve known someone like this; if not, imagine it. Here is an elderly and frail person, able to do very little at this stage of life. This person is a grandparent, and during their younger years, was actively involved with the lives of their children and grandchildren, their other relatives, neighbors and friends. People felt that this grandparent could really see them, know them and care about them; just being near them, saying hello on their way to school or work, was a little lift in their day. I was lucky to have grandparents like that; during WWII, they wrote regular letters to all the young men and women they knew about from their small town who were serving in the war, especially to those whose own families were not so faithful.
Now this person is very old and can’t do much at all. They sit in a chair and spend most of their days in quietude. They may not be as mentally sharp as they used to be. But are they cut off from the compassion they practiced throughout their life, because they can no longer be active? No way. They have spent their life being a channel for compassion, and compassion is now flowing steadily through them with power and beauty. It waters their souls, and spreads out from them like scent from blossoms, filling the air around them. Its ripples spread outward like sound-waves through the ether. Their heart is still working just fine as a channel for compassion, even if their mental and physical powers are fading.
You may think I am being sentimentally poetic, but I have known people like this, and not only old people. I’ve known people whom others just want to be around, because they are quiet but spiritually strong and peaceful people who spread happiness just by their presence. Such people are rare, but they don’t need to be. This is something we can all aspire to, no matter our state of strength or health, work or wealth, culture or religion, opportunity or lack of it. Such quiet saints have spread peace in concentration camps and on desperate migrations: such is their power. This kind of power is passive; it is not expressed through direct action. Rather, this energy disperses out from the compassionate person, and is absorbed through osmosis by others around them.
Hindus have a practice called darshan, where pilgrims simply sit quietly in the presence of persons recognized as holy people, perhaps speaking with them, perhaps not. The verb used to describe this is ‘beholding’ a holy person, or the sacred image representing a Deity. This is considered a valuable spiritual practice, offering peace, hope, blessing to those who are beholding holiness, even though, outwardly, nothing much happens. They are sharing in the flow of compassion.
Animals are often very attracted to people who are adept at this flow of peaceful compassion, and many people have felt a response from natural entities like trees when engaging in this activity in natural surroundings. Spiritual beings like landwights and housewights appreciate being in this kind of environment. They hate it, and tend to desert the area, when people in their environment are quarrelsome, disruptive and disrespectful, as is told in many tales of folklore.
These examples all show powerful expressions of compassion, and they are flows whose expression can be accepted by each recipient in the way best suited to them. There are often times when acts of intended compassion are actually not that well-suited to their recipients, and sometimes ulterior motives can be masked by apparent acts of compassion. All of these leave a bad taste behind them, and unfortunately they commonly occur. The flows from the heart that I am talking about here can never go wrong, because this quiet compassion shapes itself to each person’s need as it flows through them.
The mystery of compassionate flow can take on many shapes and expressions, suited not only to the recipients, but to the giver’s abilities as well, which will vary over time depending on their circumstances. When we cannot perform physical acts of compassion, we can still keep the beautiful, soul-nourishing flow moving vigorously through ourself and through the world around us, through a passive form of dispersion and osmosis.
Exercise 13-2: Fine-tuning your flow of compassion
Summary: compassion is a flow of energy. This energy can express itself in active or passive ways, and both are of great value. The energy needs to flow through us constantly. It flows into us from other people, Deities, spiritual beings and beings of nature. Within us, it nourishes, energizes and heals us, and it takes on something of our own ‘shape and flavor.’ Then it flows out from us to be shared with other beings, through physical, emotional, mental, spiritual activities, and through passive but powerful processes like dispersion and osmosis.
With this in mind, evaluate your own practice of compassion. Consider whether the flow is well-balanced: are you striving for a lot of active compassion-output, without attending to the necessary input? If so, what is this doing to you physically and psychologically? Are you a compassion-seeker, wanting a lot for yourself but reluctant to offer it to others? How might you expand and balance your practice of compassion in ways that would nourish rather than exhaust you, and others around you?
Sometimes we are so close to our immediate family and closest friends, that we simply don’t notice or think about the ways we might share compassion with them. If they don’t overtly demand or expect compassion from us, we might overlook their need for it, and if they do demand it, we may resent that. Evaluate how you ‘share feeling’ with those closest to you, not just in serious, ‘heavy’ ways, but in all kinds of shared emotion and activity: humor, frustrations, hopes and dreams, gentle soothing, everything.
In Closing
Our Sefa, the soul of relationship, is the channel for compassion to flow through us. Compassion is feeling what others feel, and responding in appropriate and needed ways. We are part of the Whole, we feel with the Whole, and the Whole feels with us. We all share in the vital passions and energies of Life and Being. Our Sefa soul is the repository of this knowledge, this passion, this healing and life-giving energy, which flows through us as vigorously as we allow it to. As our physical and mental abilities become less, our heart and Sefa can still maintain the flows of compassion that we have attuned them to, throughout our life.
Bookhoard
Sturlason, Snorri. Edda. Translated and edited by Anthony Faulke. Rutland VT: Charles E. Tuttle Co. 1987.