Winifred Hodge Rose
Here is a Heathen ritual intended to help you face the unjust death or disability of someone you care about: to deal with the grief, rage, and helplessness by transforming their meaning for you, with the help of the Holy Ones. The death may have come about by murder or killing, by accidental death due to others’ carelessness or mistakes, as well as death from cruel, torturous illnesses or conditions, that people definitely did not ‘deserve.’ This rite may be adapted for miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion due to rape, incest, or severe defects.
Please note: This ritual is long, demanding, and serious, as befits the need of dealing with an unjust death. All or parts of it may be destabilizing for some persons. Read through it and think about it carefully before performing, and delete or change any parts that seem unwise for you to pursue. This ritual can be for a solitary or a group effort; other persons might participate on their own behalf, or simply to support you in your need. Keep in mind that performing it with more than one person will offer support and balance for everyone involved.
For simplicity, the rite is oriented toward death, but the change of a few words can adapt it for the same kinds of situations that result, not in death, but in disability (physical or emotional) or other severe loss. In the case of disability, the rite can be used by the disabled person, as well as by those who care about them. You can also use this rite to address some other kind of major loss in your life, for which this rite seems appropriate to you.
This ritual, or individual parts of it, can be used repeatedly if needed, to support you through your ordeal and strengthen your support for others.
Specific Heathen Deities are called on here, but if there are different Deities whom you are close to and would prefer to work with, you can either add them to these Deities, or replace the originals with your choices. Of course, you can make any changes that you wish, in the wording and setting of the scenes, to adapt them to the nature of the Deities you choose to work with.
This ritual has modules which are arranged in a specific order. If you find that it would fit your situation better, you can rearrange the order of these modules to suit your purposes. Likewise, if you find you do not need or want to pursue one of the modules, you can remove it from your ritual, while keeping the flow of the rest. Here are the modules:
1) Generating and sharing compassion, to help deal with overwhelming grief. Presiding Goddess: Frigg.
2) Undergoing a spiritual ordeal, to re-shape rage and injury into a sacrificial offering, physical and / or spiritual. Presiding God: Tyr. I offer a brief definition of a Heathen ordeal at the end of this ritual, for reference, but of course you can interpret ‘ordeal’ however it is meaningful for you.
3) In certain cases, one may choose to contact the spirit of the deceased person, to offer comfort, guidance, reassurance about the well-being of the living, or finish any important unfinished tasks of the deceased person. This is called the ‘Well between the Worlds’ section. It is not advisable for you to do this directly, unless you are trained and experienced in such work (spaework, seidhr, psychopomp work). You may be able to find a Heathen who has this skill, to do it for you.
Or, more safely, you can try any form of divination, such as runes, that you have some skill with, to discern messages from the deceased. Likewise, you can buffer the impact of dealing with the dead, by dealing indirectly through a Deity or other spirit with whom you work, such as one of your own ancestors. These beings can convey your feelings and messages to the deceased, and theirs back to you, without the potential dangers of direct contact with the dead. I work the latter two options into the ritual here. If you choose the first, then proceed as you are accustomed to.
In the case of a person not dead but disabled, you can probably communicate or work with them directly with your messages and actions of support, using the spiritual strength and comfort you gain from enacting this ritual (repeatedly, if you have need).
I use the word “I” in the script here, but you can substitute “we” if you are working with a group.
You might find it useful to have a reader to help you with the meditative parts of the ceremony, or else record yourself reading the meditations. At the end of this ritual, you will find a definition of “ordeal,” and links to articles about compassion in Heathenry.
This is a long and emotionally demanding ritual, if you choose to do it in its entirety. One option is to perform it in separate parts on different days, based on the modules I listed above. You can allow time for the message and work of each part to sink in and stabilize, before going on to the next part when you are ready. If you do this, you will need to perform the space-clearing, opening, and closing sections each time.
Supplies and setup needed
For the opening and closing sections:
– Drink and drinking vessel for boasts. For ease, I’m calling this “the horn”, but use whatever you want to drink out of.
– A large-ish offering bowl and blessing-twig (if you don’t have a twig, you can use another item, or your fingers, for sprinkling the blessing at the end). The bowl should be large enough to hold drink-offerings plus the water from another bowl representing the ‘Well between the Worlds’ (see below), if you are using that.
– Lighted candle, Thor’s Hammer, broom or whisk, and / or other items you may choose for clearing and hallowing your ritual space. If you don’t have a broom, you can create a whisk using a small branch or bunch of twigs, a piece of cardboard, or paper folded into a fan. If you can’t manage any of these, you can use your arms in a sweeping motion.
– Small bowl of salt-water.
For the ‘Compassion’ section:
– If you have and can use a spindle, have one ready with fleece to use for spinning. Otherwise, have a strand of embroidery thread ready, in color(s) that represents something good to you: hope, meaningfulness, strength, resolution, new beginning. After you are done with the ritual, you can save this thread on your altar or other special place, for as long as it’s useful to you.
– Prepare a comfortable and comforting place to sit: a fireside or a candle to represent a fireside, a warm drink and a small serving of comfort food, a soft chair or a blanket / cushions for the floor, and handkerchief or tissues. Add anything else you wish to enhance the comforting nature of this place, which is called “the fireside.” Include your thread or spindle here, as well.
– If more than one person is participating, create a group “fireside” that people can congregate around in a circle. Have tissues within reach of everyone, and have enough ‘comfort food’ to offer to Frigg and to pass around for each person to have some. Place an attractive dish or bowl somewhere at your ‘fireside’ for Frigg’s offering.
– If it is possible to share a gift of comfort food later on, with others outside the group who are grieving, then prepare as much food as you will need and place it in a serving dish or bowl to be blessed during the ritual. Items that will not rapidly spoil, such as cookies, biscuits or buns, are recommended for this purpose.
For the ‘Ordeal’ section:
– A red cord or braided / twisted red yarn, long enough to wrap around your wrist. Practice ahead of time tying it one-handed (and many-toothed!) around your wrist so you know how to do it at the appropriate time in the ritual, or if you can’t do it, tie it in a loop ahead of time, ready to fit over your hand. If your ritual includes more than one person, then you can help each other tie the cords at the appropriate time.
– A token of the one who is gone, if you wish.
– A symbolic or ceremonial weapon, if you wish.
For the ‘Well between the Worlds’ section:
– Convenient seat at a table.
– On the table: your drinking horn or cup. A bowl of water, soup-spoon, and small, clean towel. You may want to place the bowl on a plate or cloth to avoid drips on your table. This bowl is your ‘Well between the Worlds.’
– Divination tools: runes, cards, sticks, or whatever you use.
– Pen and paper or journal.
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Rite for an Unjust Death
I. Wind: Clearing the Ve / Wihstead / Sacred Space
(A special effort must be made to create the appropriate space for this ceremony.)
Holding up your Thor’s Hammer, stand in the center of your circle and call out:
I give you warning, here and now, in this space: harm has happened, ill-feelings are flowing.
All who do not wish to be exposed to this, I ask you to leave until I am done.
All who wish to feed upon this pain: I banish you! As you say this, bring the raised Thor’s Hammer down with force, then swing across from right to left, left to right.
Holding the Thor’s Hammer with your arms stretched out in front of you, turn around the full circle, reciting:
Thor hallow and ward this space as need be, for my bitter work today / tonight.
Return the Thor’s Hammer to your harrow, then go around the full circle, vigorously wielding the broom or whisk, or arms, reciting:
Holy Ones, hallow and ward this space as need be, for my bitter work today / tonight.
Return your implement to the harrow, then go around a third time, bearing a lighted candle, reciting:
Holy Ones, hallow and ward this space as need be, for my bitter work today / tonight.
Using your fist, sign the Nauthiz rune three times in the center, saying each time: “I hear and answer the call of Need.”
Now place the candle in your designated ‘fireside’ place, but do not settle there yet. Return to the circle.
II. The Calls
(Standing, with empty hands, or holding a token of the one who is gone.)
I stand here, in grief and rage, and call you Holy Ones to hear me! Frigg and Tyr, Ullr and Vidar, Frau Holle in this world and the others (and / or God/desses of your choice): I have need of your strength, compassion, and wisdom!
Hail, holy and mighty ones, Hail!
Raise horn, drink, pour a small amount in offering bowl.
My trusted ancestors, you who have faced your own losses and injustices, be with me now: I call on your support! Come and join me in the work that must be done, here and now.
Hail, knowing and faithful ones, Hail!
Raise horn, drink, pour a small amount in offering bowl.
Landwights of this place: I ask of you a great service. Take, I beg you, all the ill and harm I must express here today / tonight, and ground it in the all-giving Earth. Shield all innocent beings from any harm that could come from me and my work.
Hail, rooted and enduring ones, Hail!
Raise horn, drink, pour a small amount in offering bowl.
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III. Earthing
Still in position within the circle, allow all your feelings—of strength and weakness, anger and grief, blame and despair, helplessness and hope for help—to solidify within you, then flow down into the Earth, then back up into to you, then back to the Earth, repeated three times, ending with the return to you. Breathe deeply as you do this, in rhythm with your energy-movement.
Each time this mass of emotions returns to you, it has been cleared and strengthened, solidified and given purpose and direction. Take as long as you need, and repeat more times if you wish.
IV. Hearth-Fire: Compassion
Now sit at your designated “fireside,” with the items you have prepared for that space. Take a few deep breaths. Read or listen to the following guided meditation. If you wish to work with a Deity other than Frigg, adapt this meditation to suit your choice.
Guided Meditation with Frigg
Frigg bends toward you, takes your hand, strokes your cheek and your hair in motherly fashion. “Weep,” she says. “Weep all your tears; let them flow. Release them. You have reasons for your great sadness, and you must let it run its course.” She sits quietly with you while you do this; the warmth of her heart cradles you, there beside her hearth-fire.
As your tears begin to subside, Frigg rises and fetches a roll of fluff and a spindle. She sits down with you again, saying “Take this fleece and roll a bit of it between your fingers into a thread. Attach that thread to the spindle, then let it drop and spin, as you twist more fleece into thread and twirl it onto the spindle.” You do so, and your motions become hypnotic.
(Now pick up your embroidery thread(s), braid them, or twine it around your fingers, while at the same time following Frigg’s instructions in your imagination. Or use your spindle, if you have one.)
“This is a new thread to weave into the pattern of your life, dear one,” Frigg whispers softly to you. “You are spinning it out of the fibers of pain and sadness in your heart, but also the fibers of new hope. The weight of the spindle mimics the heavy weight you feel in your heart, but it also keeps the thread straight and true. The turning motion of the spindle can turn the feelings of your heart in a different direction. Think about this; watch it spin, sink into its motion.”
Quietly, she draws out your deepest thoughts and feelings, and shares her rede with you as you continue spinning. Slowly, your pain begins to ease, as new directions take shape before you.
When you are ready, do the following:
– First ask Frigg to bless the comfort food and drink you’ve prepared, and imbue it with her compassion. Hold the dish and cup up and pray this boon from Frigg.
– Then, place a share of the food in the offering dish for Frigg.
– Next, consume a small amount of the food and drink yourself, and pass the food around, if there are others sharing the rite. Eat meditatively, absorbing the compassion and blessing given by Frigg.
– If you plan to share portions of this food later, with others outside the group who are grieving, then hold your hands over the rest of the food in the serving dish. If there is a group, all hold hands over this food. Send your compassion and prayers into the food, then set it on your altar to be given to others later.
– If it will not be possible to share food with others who are affected by the event, then spend some time quietly sending out compassion-energy to all who may need it, before bringing this part of the ritual to a close.
When you are ready, rise from your “fireside” and stand in the circle-space again.
V. Need-Fire: Ordeal, Sacrifice, Justice
You have calmed some of your grief and hopelessness by sharing in the compassion of Frigg, but a fire of anger at injustice still burns within you, and must be dealt with. Now it is time to turn to Tyr, who knows the meaning of ordeals, and of sacrifice for the greater good.
Take whatever bodily position seems right, as you follow this guided meditation. Standing is good, but may be difficult as you meditate. If you sit, sit upright, alert and at attention on a hard chair if you can, as is appropriate for Tyr’s sternness. If you wish, you may hold a symbolic weapon, and / or a token of the one who is gone. Have your red cord or yarn within reach.
If you feel called to make this more of a physical ordeal, and are capable of it, you can kneel upright (not sitting on your heels), and help to keep your balance by holding a grounded staff, the shaft of a spear, a chair or table leg, or similar supportive object, if needed.
This is not about ‘kneeling in supplication’ to Tyr, which would not go over well! This is about taking a difficult and uncomfortable position to hold for any length of time, especially while meditating, and turning it into an ordeal-offering.
If you want a physical ordeal, but cannot hold this position, then find some other uncomfortable position that you can take. Perhaps hold your arm(s) high in the air for the duration, or hold an arm behind your back at an uncomfortable angle, or sit twisted in a chair, instead of straight.
In spite of all discomfort, you must focus your attention on Tyr and on this meditation. Face Tyr, and free yourself to feel whatever you feel of anger, rage, despair, confusion, determination. Take a few deep breaths, and begin.
Guided meditation with Tyr
Tall and stern, Tyr gazes at you, measuring your fiber. There is no softness in him; he is steel and piercing starlight.
He demands that you be honest with him about what you feel, what you are thinking. He has stood in the face of war and danger, stood on hopeless battlefields, stood on mountaintops and seen how quickly all things change, for the better, for the worse, in roiling confusion, fear and chaos. He has sacrificed his own strength and skill, his own hand, for the greater good. There is nothing you cannot tell him, nothing he will fail to understand about your situation. He knows.
(Pause as long as needed to express yourself to Tyr, silently or aloud.)
You continue gazing at Tyr and listening for his thoughts, while breathing in the cold, clear air, the air from the stars. It is sharp in your lungs, and your mind begins to clear from its confusions. You see more clearly, discern more clearly, your sense of truth and your ability to judge and evaluate are sharpened. Your confusions begin to resolve into clarity. You now have something other than raw emotion to bring to bear on the situation.
How are you called now, to act or refrain from acting on your rage and pain? Are there steps you and / or others should take, or are taking: legal steps, compensatory steps, restitution, aid and assistance, symbolic gestures of solidarity? Are there prayers or acts of magic that are called for? Is there something you can give, or do, as an offering of service and solidarity?
Consider now whether you can make a commitment, in Tyr’s presence, henceforth to think, speak and act with clarity, honesty and justice, to the best of your ability. This would be your greatest offering and sacrifice, a gift to the world.
(Pause for thought and decision.)
Tyr guides you in this process of transforming mortal injury and rage into a sacrificial gift or offering for the wellbeing of the greater whole. The way to do this is unique to you, your own path, and Tyr’s rede is deep but clear: a star reflecting in the pool of your deeper self, always there to guide you.
(Pause to absorb this, and take any inner actions that you decide on at this time.)
In token of what you and Tyr explore and decide, take your red cord and tie it around your wrist, or slip it on if it is pre-tied. (If this is a group effort, help each other tie your cords.) Choose whichever hand you believe that Tyr sacrificed to bind the Wolf. Wearing this cord is a way of dedicating yourself to follow through on whatever measures you and Tyr decide upon, whether inner action, or action in the larger community, given as offering and sacrifice. Wear this cord for as long as you feel called to, then remove it and keep it on your harrow or another place of honor.
Now, in your vision, Tyr drapes a magnificent mantle around your shoulders, and you feel its weight. He challenges you to sense what this mantle is made of: Loyalty. Commitment. Faithfulness. Honor. Responsibility toward those who depend on you. Our life is not only our own; we are part of a whole, and we have commitments to that whole. Whatever action you take in response to your rage and pain should serve the good of the whole, make the world a better place, rather than causing further damage.
As part of this service of sacrifice, stand now as champion for those who are likewise impacted by this death, but who may not have the knowledge, resources, or the ability to undergo a sacred, transformational ordeal. Carry these people in your heart, as you go about the actions that you and Tyr have decided upon.
Tyr’s remote gaze meets yours. Do you accept his gifts, and his challenge? Rise now to meet them!
(Rise and shake out your limbs so you can move again. Stand at attention before the image of Tyr in your mind’s eye or in your heart.)
As you stand here, you feel a clarity, a singleness of purpose. You know where you are going now. Tyr’s stern benevolence equips you to deal wisely and clearly with your ordeal and challenge. Stand tall in salute to Tyr’s bright might! Hail Tyr!
(Raise horn, drink, and pour some into the offering bowl.)
VI. Wells between the Worlds: Communing with the dead.
If you are continuing on to the next step of communicating with the dead, first use the soup-spoon to transfer a little of the drink in the offering bowl into the bowl representing the ‘Well between the Worlds.’ Gently stir the ‘Well’.
Now you may seat yourself comfortably in front of the table holding the horn or cup of your ceremonial drink, your tools of divination, the bowl of water representing the Well between the Worlds, a small towel, and a pen and paper or journal.
Sit quietly for a few moments, recovering from your ordeal and gathering your thoughts. Gaze into the bowl of water and breathe quietly. This is a Well of Mystery: allow it to prepare your mind for your next task. Dip your fingers into the water and wipe your brow and eyes to clear them, then dry with the towel if you wish. When you are ready, begin your call. You can use the following words, adapt them, add or remove Deities, or speak your own words from your heart, calling on whomever you wish to help you.
Wise Ones, you who ward the ways between the living and the dead!
Urdh, Verdandi, Skuld, warders of the Well of Wyrd,
Frau Holle with your Well to the underworlds,
Frigg, in your hall surrounded by bogs of sacrifice,
Hella in the halls of the dead,
Matrons, Goddesses and Gods who gather the dead:
If you grant the power, and if the one who is gone is willing,
I wish now to reach (name of the one who is gone), and share understanding with (pronoun: her / him / them…).
Hail, Great Ones all! Grant me your help!
Raise the ‘horn’ or cup and drink, then pour a small amount into the bowl that is the Well between the Worlds.
I ask (name of Deity and / or Ancestor(s)) to help us both with this communication, and keep us both safe from any harm, deliberate or inadvertent, that might otherwise result from this endeavor.
(Note: not all Deities are appropriate to be called upon for this purpose of communing with the dead. If you are not sure about whom to call, first ask “Who will help me with this communication?” Sense who is there in your heart, and work with this one. One Deity I would recommend here is Frau Holle, who is at home both in Midgard and in the underworlds, with the living and with the dead. She is strong in compassionate and practical action.)
Sit quietly as you give your messages and feelings to the Deity and Ancestor, for them to take to the one who is gone, and wait to receive any messages and feelings in return. These feelings may well include rage and anger, grief and despair, confusion, or acceptance. Share the compassion and the strength you have gained from your previous efforts here, sending them through your intermediaries. Quietly consider whether any further action is needed and possible from you, and if so, how to go about it. Consult with any helping Deities and ancestors, asking them to aid the one who is gone, if needed.
Now, use your preferred method of divination to clarify what you have ‘heard’ and learned, and to clarify what more might be asked or needed by the one who is gone. Use divination as long as you need to, to form any plan of action that seems to be required, and to judge whether it is wise for you to pursue it. In some cases it may not be wise, and you should heed that. Allow time for careful thought and judgement, now and later, before taking any other actions.
When you are done, record what you have learned, decided, and done, preferably in your journal. As you close your journal, breathe out your thanks to those who have helped you with this.
VII. Wind: Release and Go Forth
Stand in the center of your circle, holding yourself tall. Face each direction in turn, and feel the energy flowing forth from your chest and breath as you say:
Wind, Will-Wind, Wish-Wind:
Blow forth from me, I bid you,
Blow into the wide world the love I bear,
The gifts I send forth,
The strength and comfort I offer to those in need,
The justice for which I work and pray,
And for which I stand, now and always.
If you feel comfortable doing this, blow out your breath toward each direction after speaking, or sound a blowing-horn with your full strength. After you complete all four directions, pick up the drinking-horn and call ‘Hail!’, drink, and pour a little in the offering bowl.
In this time, in this place, I have called on the powers of Wind, Earth, Fire, and Water to shape this ritual and ordeal. Many have come to help me: Frigg and Tyr, (name others as appropriate), ancestors and good wights of this place. I thank you for your presence and help; I am grateful to you all.
Hail the Holy Ones, Ancestors, and all good wights!
Raise horn and drink, pour the remainder into the offering bowl. Then pour all the water from the Well between the Worlds (if you used this) into the offering bowl. Use the blessing twig or fingers to flick liquid from the offering bowl over yourself, the circle, other people or animals present, the token of the one who is gone, your harrow, your surroundings, and anything else you want to have blessed!
Now take your broom or whisk, and go around the circle, sweeping all the negativity expressed during the ritual into the center of the circle. If you don’t have either broom or whisk, use motions of your arms.
Sprinkle around the circle, and in the center of the circle, with salt-water to dissolve the negativity. Then place the offering bowl in the center, where the negativity was swept into a pile. Bend over this bowl with your hands held over it and say:
May the holiness held in this bowl, created by our shared blessings, absorb and dissolve all harm that may linger in this place.
Stand upright and say: I now return this space, hale and whole, to all good use in Midgard. May all who left here, and all who gathered here, come and go as they will, in frith with one another. This rite is ended.
Afterwards:
– Choose a place outdoors to pour the water from the offering bowl and the Well. If you need to, pour it into a closed container for transport.
– Give the blessed and saved comfort food to others, if that is the plan. Pack it away appropriately until you have a chance to do this.
– Rest! You need it after your ordeal.
Background reading
Ordeal: An “or-deal” in a Heathen philosophical sense means ‘the primal roots of a given ordeal-circumstance: the ørlög, the weaving of wyrd, which has been dealt out for me to face here and now, in this place, in this time.’ An ‘ordeal’ has the connotation of a struggle, a challenge, a personal testing, and it is that, but it is more. It is fateful, it is a weaving of wyrd, a drawing-together of the strands of our life into a nexus-point of deep significance. Much of our past has gone into reaching this nexus-point of the ordeal, and much will lead forth from its outcome, that will shape our time to come.
In my understanding of Heathen philosophy, life itself is an ordeal in this sense: a complex, patterned knot or nexus of strands of ørlög, arising from the past, gathered together in the present, and shaping the future to come. The ordeal of life is a challenge and a struggle, indeed, but more than that, it shapes the whole pattern of our Being, and shapes the meaning that our life holds. Our purpose in life is not to avoid or escape true Heathen ordeals, but to rise to the challenge they offer: the challenge not only to meet the ordeal successfully, but to use it as a pathway to emerge from the ordeal with greater soul-qualities than we had when we went into it.
Readings on Heathen Compassion:
https://heathensoullore.net/experience-and-practice-of-compassion-in-heathenry/