Winifred Hodge Rose
This is a simple rite to honor, name, and remember a child who was miscarried or stillborn. This can be performed at a graveside, or at a memorial ceremony at any time and place. This rite is brief and simple, in the understanding that it is difficult to speak and to perform a ritual in the midst of great grief. Make any changes needed, to adapt this to your own circumstances. This ceremony, and the words used, are designed to be workable for a mixed group of Heathens and non-Heathens, so that families and friends can come together for comfort.
Supplies and preparation:
A bowl of water, about half full, to represent the Well of Wyrd and the Well of Memory, and a flower with a stem or a small leafy twig (fingers can be used, if these are not available).
A small amount of an appropriate drink, poured into enough cups for each person present. Fresh cider or apple juice is especially appropriate for a child’s memorial, since apples are holy to the spiritual Mothers of our faith.
Altar or table to hold ritual items.
Offering bowl.
The coffin, urn, or a token of the child who was lost, if desired, but this is not necessary. This token could be a potted plant or tree, to be planted later in memory of the child. Otherwise, any other item that makes you mindful of the child can serve as a token, if you wish to have one.
– Decide whether you will give a name to the child during this ceremony, and if so, share the name with the participants in advance. There is a place in the ceremony for naming and for everyone who wishes to, to speak this name. Use it or delete it as you wish.
Rite for a Child Unborn
Opening
Always we hail you, Holy Ones: in joy and in grief, in gain and in loss: our lives are rooted in your powers that flow through Midgard.
For strength and courage, we pray you, Holy Ones, and for peace, to soothe our wounded hearts.
Hail the Holy Ones!
(All drink, and officiant pours a portion into the offering bowl.)
Loving ancestors, join us now, as we mourn one of our own, gone to you untimely.
Gather here with us; receive and care for our child until you can return the child to us.
Hail the Ancestors!
(All drink, and officiant pours a portion into the offering bowl.)
Landwights, we beg a boon of you.
Receive now the grief and sorrow, surging forth from us here.
Lay it to rest in the breast of the Mother of us all, Holy Earth, who receives and cleanses all ill. Hail the Landwights and Mother Earth!
(All drink, and officiant pours a portion into the offering bowl.)
Naming (if desired)
Child of our heart, we speak to your spirit.
People have names, so we can call to one another, and speak of one another, whether we are present together, or apart.
Now, we bestow upon you this name, which we will bear ever in our hearts, in remembrance of you.
Beginning with parents and close relatives, each person present (if they are able and willing) says:
Your name is __________
As each person speaks, they dip the flower into the bowl of water representing the Wells of Wyrd and Memory, and sprinkle water on the urn, coffin, plant or tree, or other token of the child, if any of these are present.
If nothing physical is used to represent the child, speakers dip the flower in the bowl representing Wyrd and Memory, raise it, and shake a few drops back into the bowl of water, while speaking the child’s name.
Sumbel
Let those who wish to do so, now speak a few words of farewell, while raising your drink in a toast.
Go around the circle in turn, each speaking if they wish, or skipping. After each speaker, everyone raises their cup and drinks. At the end, everyone pours remaining drink into the offering bowl.
Blessing
First, officiant pours the drink from the offering bowl, as much as will fit, into the bowl representing the Well of Wyrd and Memory. Then, they hold up the bowl representing the Well, and speak these words:
With this hallowed water may our tears and grief be soothed, leaving us with memory, hope, and love.
Put the bowl back on the altar. Then officiant dips the flower into the Well and sprinkles each participant who wants it, and the token of the child if present, saying:
The blessings of the Holy Ones be with you, now and always.
Closing
Officiant raises the bowl representing Wyrd and Memory, saying:
With the waters of the Well of Wyrd were the seeds of your soul nurtured, child beloved of us all.
With this water, we send our blessing back with you.
May you rest again within the holy Well, cradled in the love of the Mothers and all the Holy Gods, and the love of all your kindred, living and passed on.
Pour out the water in a suitable place: near the grave, on your potted or planted tree commemorating your child, or in a suitable outdoor area. If necessary, the water can be left on your altar for now, then poured in a suitable location at a later time.
Hail and thanks to the Holy Ones, the Ancestors, Landwights, and all who joined us here with their love and support.
This rite is ended, while love and memory, strength and courage, remain with us always.
A time of companionship following this ritual, including food and drink, will help in the process of healing and rebalancing.